I cannot believe it has been 2 months since I last posted and what I really can't believe is it has been 1 year since we began our journey. Wow! Time flies.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years. I have to admit I am happy we are in a new year. I feel 2008 will bring some good news for us in our adoption journey. I will admit this holiday season was a tough one for me. I didn't feel quit like celebrating. Why didn't I feel like celebrating you might ask?
In the begining of December, I received a call from Tien, who heads up the Taiwan program for JOH. It had been a very busy day. Luc and I stopped home just to get him changed for wrestling practice. Paul was out of town for the night and it was just Luc and me. As we walked into the house, I hear the phone and pick it up. It was Tien and she proceeds to ask me if I had checked my email yet today. I told her I hadn't. She then tell me that Program 3 emailed asking if there was a family who would consider a baby girl with a medical condition. For the sake of privacy, I will not mention the condition. I told Tien I had to speak with Paul and I would get back to her. She wanted an answer by the next morning so I know I had much to do. Needless to say the night was quit the blur. I got Luc to practice, I contacted my Dr., my two friends who are NPs to get information on the condition. My amazing friend Tracey did research for me while I sat at Luc's practice. I gathered as much information as possible and shared with Paul later that evening. After thinking things over I emailed Tien and told her we would consider this baby girl. At that moment Paul and I thought that maybe this was our little girl. I think at that moment our hearts just wanted to believe the wait was coming to an end. Unfortunetly that was not the case. Tien emailed me back and said it would take Program 3 about 2 weeks to get her the information. One week goes by, then on the second week we recieve notice that Tien would be on vaction for the Holidays but still checking email. So the second week goes by and still no word, then Christmas rolls around and still no word. Three weeks have now passed. The heavy weight on my heart for those three weeks was quit unbarable at times. I did not feel good about this, my gut was telling me that this was not our baby girl. During this time I contacted a Dr. who specialized in her condition and he said she would most likely be on medication for the rest of her life. This was not my expectation. I was feeling somewhat angry and cheated. Cheated out of the wonderful experience of receiving the suprise call from Tien telling us they have a baby girl for us. Cheated out of viewing pictures and video right away.
I know our God is a good God, but during that time, I felt like he was playing a joke on us. Truely testing my faith. Each day I prayed for Gods streagth and guidence. I knew if I had given birth to this child, I would have to accept the hand I was delt. Emotionaly for me to choose this baby girl with this condition just did not feel right to me. I struggled with feeling this way and only felt selfish. What kind of person could I be to turn away from this little girl. In that momen I realized I just don't know my limits. I don't know when I have to say no, I just want to be everything to everyone, and in doing that I am wearing myself out. What was I thinking.
After 3 weeks and 3 days, I looked at Paul and told him I think I should email Tien and tell her we want to remain on the waiting list for a healthy baby girl. I expressed my concerns why to Paul and he expressed how he was feeling and we unanimously agreed we did not feel called to care for this baby girl. I emailed Tien. I have not heard from her and am not sure were we stand, but I am going to call her tomorrow and make sure she received my emails.
On January 3rd we were officially on the "waiting list" for 5 months. I don't regret our decision at all. I actually feel at peace with it. I felt it was important we were honest with ourselves and Tien before we received this baby girls information and picture because I'm sure I would not have been able to say no.
I honestly feel the longer then 2 week wait for the information on the baby was ment to happen. I believe we needed the time to hear God's whisper.
Now we wait, we pray, and we believe our day is coming. When it does it will be wonderful!
Blessings,
Andrea
